Help me to find strong motivation to kill myself

I have been hikkikomori for about 10 years now, i never leave my room and very rarely going out of the house. I never have social life, not even on this virtual world. I always thought everything is gonna be fine as long as people stay away from me...

But now, i am on the edge.. i don't think if i can keep my sanity anymore, lately i lose my temper more easily and more frequently..

Been thinking about this for about a year, since i don't have anything to linger on, maybe it should be better if i leave this world as well. Sounds easy but in reality it is not easy to execute at all. I must appreciate everyone who managed to kill their self, they are indeed have a strong will and determination..

If only i have that determination.. aww man.. i am so pathetic, i don't even have a courage to end my own life.. I need to plan this carefully, i don't want to end up on hospital, the method should be quick and painless..

I have no one to talk to, that's why i wrote this post, i guess it is true if human are social creature after all.. By writing something pointless like this, although no one actually read this, i can sustain my sanity for another day.. until that day comes.. The day when i finally have strong enough motivation to depart to the next world...